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Bill Clinton: Remarks at the White House Correspondents' Dinner - April 29, 2000
Full Transcript
Bill Clinton
00:00:00-00:00:25 (25.4 sec)Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, President Page, President-elect Dillon, distinguished guests. I am really happy to be here... [Laughter]
Bill Clinton
00:00:25-00:00:34 (9.4 sec)... happy to be reunited at long last with the White House press corps. [Laughter]
Bill Clinton
00:00:34-00:00:41 (6.2 sec)If I may, let me direct your attention to a photograph. [Laughter]
Bill Clinton
00:00:41-00:00:52 (11.2 sec)Taken just moments ago, it proves beyond a doubt that I am indeed happy to be here. [Laughter]
Bill Clinton
00:00:52-00:01:11 (19.64 sec)Now wait a minute, it seems that my hair in that photo is a little longer than it is tonight. [Laughter] [Applause]
Bill Clinton
00:01:11-00:01:31 (19.28 sec)So maybe I am happy to be here, and maybe I'm not. Feel free to speculate. Admittedly, looks in photos can be deceiving. Now look at this photo. It's a recent one of the vice president applauding one of my policy initiatives. [Laughter]
Bill Clinton
00:01:31-00:01:41 (10.4 sec)But look a little closer. Those are not his real hands. [Laughter]
Bill Clinton
00:01:41-00:01:57 (15.76 sec)Now this photo. It made all the papers. But I have to tell you something. I am almost certain this is not the real Easter bunny. [Laughter]
Bill Clinton
00:01:57-00:02:12 (14.72 sec)The next one is my favorite. I really like it. Let's see the next photo. [Laughter]
Bill Clinton
00:02:12-00:02:13 (1.16 sec)Oh. [Applause]
Bill Clinton
00:02:13-00:02:18 (5.16 sec)Isn't it grand? [Laughter] [Applause]
Bill Clinton
00:02:18-00:03:04 (45.84 sec)I thought it was too good to be true. But there is one thing beyond this view tonight, this is really me. I am really here. And the record on that count is clear in good days and bad, in times of great confidence or great controversy, I have actually shown up here for eight straight years. [Applause]
Bill Clinton
00:03:04-00:03:10 (6.76 sec)Looking back, that was probably a mistake. [Laughter]
Bill Clinton
00:03:10-00:03:24 (13.4 sec)In just eight years, I've given you enough material for 20 years. This is a special night for me for a lot of reasons. Jay Leno is here. [Applause]
Bill Clinton
00:03:24-00:03:38 (14.36 sec)Now no matter how mean he is to me, I just love this guy... [Laughter]
Bill Clinton
00:03:38-00:03:58 (19.32 sec)... because together, together we give hope to gray- haired chunky baby boomers everywhere. [Laughter] [Applause]
Bill Clinton
00:03:58-00:04:03 (5.76 sec)Tonight marks the end of an era, the after dinner party hosted by "Vanity Fair." [Laughter]
Bill Clinton
00:04:03-00:04:17 (14 sec)As you may have heard, it's been canceled. Every year for eight years, the "Vanity Fair" party became more and more and more exclusive. So tonight, it has arrived at its inevitable conclusion... [Laughter]
Bill Clinton
00:04:17-00:04:33 (15.48 sec)... this year, no one made the guest list. Actually, I hear the Bloomberg party will be even harder to get into than the "Vanity Fair" party was. But I'm not worried. I'm going with Janet Reno. [Laughter] [Applause]
Bill Clinton
00:04:33-00:05:07 (34.32 sec)Now the Bloomberg party is also a cast party for the stars of "The West Wing," who are celebrating the end of their first season. You'll have to forgive me if I'm not as excited as everyone else is at the thought of a "West Wing" finale party. But I've got to give them credit. Their first season got a lot better ratings than mine did. [Laughter]
Bill Clinton
00:05:07-00:05:15 (7.88 sec)Not to mention the reviews. The critics just hated my travel office episode. [Laughter]
Bill Clinton
00:05:15-00:05:25 (10.12 sec)And that David Gergan cameo fell completely flat. [Laughter]
Bill Clinton
00:05:25-00:05:33 (7.44 sec)Speaking of real life drama, I'm so glad that Senator McCain is back tonight. I welcome him especially. [Applause]
Bill Clinton
00:05:33-00:05:43 (10.6 sec)As you all know, he just made a difficult journey back to a place where he endured unspeakable abuse at the hands of his oppressors, the Senate Republican caucus. [Laughter] [Applause]
Bill Clinton
00:05:43-00:06:28 (45.04 sec)I am glad to see that Senator McCain and Governor Bush are talking about healing their rift. Actually, they're thinking about talking about healing their rift. And you know, I would really like to help them. I mean, I've got a lot of experience repairing the breach. I've worked with Catholics and Protestants in Northern Ireland.
Bill Clinton
00:06:28-00:06:34 (6.28 sec)I've worked with Israelis and Palestinians, with Joe Lockhart and David Westin. [Laughter]
Bill Clinton
00:06:34-00:06:48 (13.4 sec)But the differences between Bush and McCain may be just too vast. I mean, McCain as Bush's running mate? Hasn't the man suffered enough? [Laughter] [Applause]
Bill Clinton
00:06:48-00:07:01 (13.16 sec)George W. Bush has got a brand spanking new campaign strategy. He's moving toward the political center, distancing himself from him own party, stealing ideas from the other party. I am so glad Dick Morris has finally found work again. [Laughter] [Applause]
Bill Clinton
00:07:01-00:07:11 (10.28 sec)You know, the clock is running down on the Republicans in Congress, too. I feel for them. I do. They've only got seven more months to investigate me. [Laughter]
Bill Clinton
00:07:11-00:07:14 (2.96 sec)That's a lot of pressure. So little time, so many unanswered questions. [Laughter]
Bill Clinton
00:07:14-00:07:26 (11.56 sec)For example, over the last few months, I've lost 10 pounds. Where did they go? [Laughter]
Bill Clinton
00:07:26-00:07:32 (5.88 sec)Why haven't I produced them to the independent counsel? [Laughter]
Bill Clinton
00:07:32-00:07:43 (11.16 sec)How did some of them manage to wind up on Tim Russert? [Laughter] [Applause]
Bill Clinton
00:07:43-00:08:01 (18.28 sec)Now some of you might think I've been busy writing my memoirs. I'm not concerned about my memoirs. I'm concerned about my resume. Here's what I've got so far: "Career objective: To stay president." [Laughter]
Bill Clinton
00:08:01-00:08:07 (6.36 sec)But being realistic, I would consider an executive position with another country. [Laughter]
Bill Clinton
00:08:07-00:08:24 (16.96 sec)Of course, I'd prefer to stay within the G-8. I'm working hard on this resume deal. I've been getting a lot of tips on how to write it, mostly from my staff. They really seem to be up on this stuff. [Laughter]
Bill Clinton
00:08:24-00:08:44 (19.16 sec)And they tell me I have to use the active voice for the resume, you know, things like "commanded U.S. armed forces, ordered air strikes, served three terms as president." Everybody embellishes a little. [Laughter]
Bill Clinton
00:08:44-00:09:01 (17.28 sec)Designed, built and painted bridge to 21st century. [Laughter] [Applause]
Bill Clinton
00:09:01-00:09:14 (12.88 sec)Supervised vice president's invention of the Internet. [Laughter] [Applause]
Bill Clinton
00:09:14-00:09:17 (3.24 sec)Generated, attracted, heightened and maintained controversy. [Laughter]
Bill Clinton
00:09:17-00:09:39 (21.92 sec)Now I know lately I haven't done a very good job at creating controversy. And I'm sorry for that. You all have so much less to report. I guess that's why you're covering and commenting on my mood, my quiet, contemplating moments... [Laughter]
Bill Clinton
00:09:39-00:09:46 (6.72 sec)... my feelings during these final months in office. [Laughter]
Bill Clinton
00:09:46-00:10:07 (21.16 sec)In that case, you might be interested to know that a film crew has been following me around the White House documenting my remaining time. This is a strange time in the life of any administration. But I think this short film will show that I have come to terms with it. Could we see the film?
Note
00:10:07-00:10:08 (1.64 sec)[Video Begins]
Joe Lockhart
00:10:08-00:10:17 (8.88 sec)Well, with the vice president and the first lady out on the campaign trail, things aren't as exciting as they used to be around here. In fact, it's really starting to wind down.
Bill Clinton
00:10:17-00:10:36 (18.88 sec)There is bipartisan support for it in Congress. And it meets the principles I set out in my State of the Union. If they send me the bill in its present form, I will sign it. OK, any questions? [Laughter]
Bill Clinton
00:10:36-00:10:38 (1.56 sec)Helen?
Helen Thomas
00:10:38-00:10:45 (6.96 sec)Are you still here? [Laughter]
Unidentified
00:10:45-00:10:59 (13.96 sec)Radio just doesn't capture the sadness, the isolation of it all. So I've just stopped reporting it.
Bill Clinton
00:10:59-00:11:05 (6.32 sec)Joe? Anybody home? [Laughter]
Bill Clinton
00:11:05-00:11:09 (3.8 sec)John? Maria? [Laughter]
Tim Russert
00:11:09-00:11:23 (14.48 sec)What am I going to ask the guy? I have nothing to ask him.
Sam Donaldson
00:11:23-00:11:27 (3.28 sec)He's yesterday's news. Who's next?
Bill Clinton
00:11:27-00:11:30 (2.96 sec)Hello, White House, hold please. [Laughter]
Bill Clinton
00:11:30-00:11:46 (16.36 sec)Hello, White House, please hold. Hello, White House, White House, hello, hold please, please hold. No, Mr. Podesta is not here now. Would you like his voice mail? [Laughter]
John Podesta
00:11:46-00:11:50 (3.8 sec)I've been by for him. It looks like he has nothing to do. [Laughter]
Unidentified
00:11:50-00:12:08 (17.84 sec)I'm a little bit worried about him. This morning, for example, he came into the Oval Office for our meeting. And I said, "Mr. President, is everything all right?" And he said, "Yeah, what's the matter?" And I said, "Mr. President, you're wearing your pajama bottoms."
Unidentified
00:12:08-00:12:10 (2.28 sec)I really have nothing to say about that.
Hillary Clinton
00:12:10-00:12:15 (5.36 sec)I wish I could be here more. But I really think Bill has everything under control.
Bill Clinton
00:12:15-00:12:22 (7.24 sec)Honey, wait, wait, wait, wait! You forgot your lunch! [Laughter] [Applause]
Al Gore
00:12:22-00:12:36 (14 sec)Well, I think his legacy is going to be the natural environment, improving the green spaces of our country. [Laughter]
Al Gore
00:12:36-00:12:41 (4.8 sec)I've urged him to spend more time on that.
Betty Currie
00:12:41-00:12:58 (16.32 sec)The president's schedule is just as busy as ever. He's just doing different things. [Laughter]
Donna Shalala
00:12:58-00:13:25 (27.48 sec)I feel really bad for him. I wish there was something that would cheer him up. [Laughter]
Bill Clinton
00:13:25-00:13:32 (7.16 sec)Yes! Hey, there you are. Come with me.
Unidentified
00:13:32-00:13:38 (5.76 sec)All right, Mr. P, ready tostart?
Bill Clinton
00:13:38-00:13:41 (2.96 sec)Show me e-mail.
Unidentified
00:13:41-00:13:45 (3.92 sec)OK, let's light this candle.
Bill Clinton
00:13:45-00:13:48 (3.16 sec)I want to see eBay.
Unidentified
00:13:48-00:13:58 (10.12 sec)Yeah, yeah, yeah, just like that. You're riding the wave of the future, my man. Now what do you feel like buying?
Bill Clinton
00:13:58-00:14:07 (9.08 sec)I want to buy a smoked ham.
Unidentified
00:14:07-00:14:13 (6.28 sec)Excellent choice. Right, you're there. You're almost there. How many are you going to buy?
Bill Clinton
00:14:13-00:14:15 (1.28 sec)Wait a minute...
Unidentified
00:14:15-00:14:16 (1.6 sec)What's the problem? Chicken... [Makes chicken noises]
Bill Clinton
00:14:16-00:14:19 (2.52 sec)What does it cost?
Unidentified
00:14:19-00:14:23 (4.24 sec)Name your own price, my man.
Bill Clinton
00:14:23-00:14:27 (4.16 sec)Well, we're stalking for a winner.
Unidentified
00:14:27-00:14:31 (3.64 sec)Let's do it.
Bill Clinton
00:14:31-00:14:33 (2.04 sec)Yahtzee!
Unidentified
00:14:33-00:14:42 (8.68 sec)All right, you did it, my man. [Laughter]
Bill Clinton
00:14:42-00:14:44 (2.88 sec)B-9.
Henry Shelton
00:14:44-00:14:49 (4.44 sec)You sunk my battleship. [Laughter]
Bill Clinton
00:14:49-00:15:18 (28.72 sec)Yes! I want to thank the academy for this tremendous honor. This may be the greatest moment of my life. I mean, ever since I was a little boy, I wanted to be a real actor. [Kevin Spacy takes an Oscar] [Laughter]
Bill Clinton
00:15:18-00:15:21 (3.64 sec)No, no, just leave your money in your pocket.
Unidentified
00:15:21-00:15:23 (1.28 sec)Sweet.
Bill Clinton
00:15:23-00:15:35 (12.48 sec)Pretty good, huh? Get all you want.
Note
00:15:35-00:15:37 (2 sec)[Video Ends] [Applause]
Bill Clinton
00:15:37-00:15:40 (2.8 sec)You like me, you really like me! [Laughter]
Bill Clinton
00:15:40-00:17:14 (94.48 sec)Now you know I may complain about coming here. But a year from now, I'll have to watch someone else give that speech. And I'll feel an onset of that rare affliction unique to former presidents, AGGD, Attention Getting Deficit Disorder. [Laughter]
Bill Clinton
00:17:14-00:17:24 (9.84 sec)Plus which, I'll really be burned up when Al Gore turns out to be funnier than me. [Laughter]
Bill Clinton
00:17:24-00:17:46 (21.4 sec)But let me say to all of you, I have loved these eight years. You know, I read in the history books how other presidents say the White House is like a penitentiary and every motive they have is suspect. Even George Washington complained he was treated like a common thief. And they all say they can't wait to get away.
Bill Clinton
00:17:46-00:18:14 (28.8 sec)I don't know what the heck they're talking about. I've had a wonderful time. It's been an honor to serve and fun to laugh. I only wish that we'd even laughed more these last eight years because power is not the most important thing in life. It only counts for what you use it. I thank you for what you do every day, thank you for all the fun times that Hillary and I have had.
Bill Clinton
00:18:14-00:18:24 (9.48 sec)Keep at it. It's a great country. It deserves our best. Thank you, and God bless you. [Applause]