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George W. Bush: Remarks at the White House Correspondents' Dinner - April 29, 2006
Full Transcript
Note
00:00:00-00:00:23 (23.93 sec)[The following is a FirstDraft -- a machine-generated transcript by our AI, Margaret. She's good, but neither perfect nor human. There will likely be a handful of errors. Please check any quotes against the primary video source. Thank you. Please note the George W. Bush impersonator is quoted by the actor's real name, Steve Bridges.]
George W. Bush
00:00:23-00:00:30 (6.99 sec)Members of the White House Correspondents Association. Distinguished guests, ladies and gentlemen.
Steve Bridges
00:00:31-00:00:32 (0.72 sec)[George W. Bush impersonator.] Here I am.
Steve Bridges
00:00:42-00:01:22 (40.1 sec)Here I am. Another one of these dang press dinners. Could be. I'm asleep. Little birdie curled up at my feet. But no, I got to pretend I like being here. A meteor really ticks me off the way they try to embarrass me by not editing what I say. Well, let's get things going or I'll never get to bed.
George W. Bush
00:01:23-00:01:28 (4.53 sec)Thank you, Mark. I'm absolutely delighted to be here.
George W. Bush
00:01:34-00:01:35 (1.05 sec)As is Laura.
Steve Bridges
00:01:36-00:01:47 (10.8 sec)She's hot. Muy caliente.
George W. Bush
00:01:56-00:02:01 (5.19 sec)As you know, I always look forward to these dinners.
Steve Bridges
00:02:02-00:02:54 (52.1 sec)It's just a bunch of media types. Hollywood liberals, Democrats like Joe Biden. How come I can't have dinner with a 36% of the people who like me? Only thing missing is Hillary Clinton sitting on a front row rolling her ass. There's got to be a friendly face out there somewhere, too. Justice Scalia. Justice Alito. Hey, boys. But it feels good to be out from under those robes.
Steve Bridges
00:02:56-00:02:59 (3.03 sec)Toga, toga, toga, toga.
Steve Bridges
00:03:06-00:03:19 (13.6 sec)Here's -- here's Alex Trebek of Jeopardy! That boy's Smart. He knows a lot. Maybe I should put him on the Supreme Court. Let's see. The Democrats blocked that one.
George W. Bush
00:03:21-00:03:28 (7.2 sec)You know, it's good to see so many influential guests here tonight. Justice Scalia. Justice Alito.
Steve Bridges
00:03:29-00:03:36 (7.23 sec)Yeah, all the usual suspects. Speaking of suspects, where's the great white hunter?
George W. Bush
00:03:36-00:03:57 (21.24 sec)I am sorry Vice President Cheney couldn't be here tonight. I agree with the press that Dick was a little late reporting that hunting episode down in Texas. In fact, I didn't know a thing about it until I saw him on America's Most Wanted.
Steve Bridges
00:04:00-00:04:47 (47.31 sec)Cheney. What a goofball. Shot the only trial lawyer in the country who's forming. I tell you, reporters would go nuts if you knew the true story. He was as drunk as a skunk. On one beer, light beer. People were ducking and diving for cover. I wish I could have been there. I saw him walking down the hallway the other day. I looked at him and said, Don't shoot. If you see people don't see the fun side of dick.
George W. Bush
00:04:49-00:05:19 (29.98 sec)It takes a good man. He has a good heart. Well, he's a good man. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm feeling chipper tonight. I survived the White House shake up. So I want to talk about some serious issues, such as --
Steve Bridges
00:05:19-00:05:34 (14.4 sec)Okay, here comes. Nuclear Proliferation. Nuclear Proliferation. Nuclear proliferation.
George W. Bush
00:05:35-00:05:37 (1.77 sec)[Deliberately mispronounced] Nuclear proliferation.
Steve Bridges
00:05:43-00:06:05 (21.84 sec)All right. All right. Maintain. Be cool. Let's give this a try. We must enhance noncompliance, protocols, sanctioned not only at IAEA formal sessions, but through intersessional contact.
George W. Bush
00:06:06-00:06:21 (14.12 sec)We must enhance noncompliance protocols. Sanction not only at EIEIO formal sessions. But through intersexual conduct.
Steve Bridges
00:06:35-00:06:36 (0.51 sec)Nailed it.
George W. Bush
00:06:43-00:07:04 (21.03 sec)See, I'm an activist. I object to those stories that say I'm a lame duck. I'm not a lame duck. I'm a sprinting duck. I'm a hustling duck. I'm a leadership of the free world. Duck, duck. And I'm continuing to spread our agenda globally and around the world, as well as internationally.
Steve Bridges
00:07:11-00:07:33 (21.94 sec)Some of my critics in the international community call me arrogant. I will not even honor that with a response. Screw them. Nah, don't say screw them. Let's hit them with some rhetorical eloquence.
George W. Bush
00:07:34-00:07:57 (23.15 sec)My friends. Our purple mountains with ramparts red glare, white with foam and justice for all fruity planes gallantly streaming from sea to shining sea with a shining city on a shining hill above a shining prairie. And maybe some shiny trees and a few shrubs. I see a shiny America.
Steve Bridges
00:08:05-00:08:54 (48.78 sec)Yes. My fellow Americans, in the words of Sigmund Freud, I have a dream. And one of those dreams is to eliminate barriers. And I saw a wonderful opportunity to do that when I was in China, out on tour, the Chinese countryside with the Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao. I looked him straight in the eye and I said, Mr. President, tear down this wall. You should have seen his face.
George W. Bush
00:08:57-00:09:19 (21.37 sec)I love America because it's full of Americans. I believe we're an America that should come together. Republican and Democrat. And John McCain. I believe in bipartisan bipartisanship.
Steve Bridges
00:09:19-00:09:38 (19.08 sec)Yeah. You see, it's. It's it's like this here. We can all come together. It's. It's. Here's a visual. See? Here. Looky here. See there. See? There's the church, and there's a staple on the door. Look at all the people you see. They're all happy and wiggling. There's me and Senator Kennedy on the front row.
George W. Bush
00:09:42-00:09:50 (7.87 sec)You know, I couldn't have said that better myself. Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, that ruggedly good looking guy right there, Steve Bridges.
George W. Bush
00:09:59-00:10:30 (30.56 sec)He's a -- he's a fine talent. In fact, Steve did all my debates with Senator Kerry. He's done most of my news conferences. Steve, I have to say, you could have done a little better in the debates. [Steve Bridges ad-libs "All right. All right."] I want to thank Steve for accepting my invitation to be a part of this fun evening. As most of my predecessors have known, it's really important to be able to laugh in his job.
George W. Bush
00:10:31-00:10:43 (12.09 sec)And I thank you for giving us a chance to laugh tonight. I got one more thing I want to share with you on my mind. Something that's never far from my mind. God bless our troops. God bless the cause of freedom.
George W. Bush
00:10:44-00:10:55 (11.25 sec)And God bless America. Thank you. Thank you.